Sangeeta Das
Earlier this year, I saw a civil servant share her displeasure on social media about how a man denied her the opportunity to solve a problem because he thought she would be incompetent to do so because of her gender.
Naturally, that would make anyone aghast as even after enduring the arduous process of becoming a public servant, people still have the audacity to belittle a woman as they are unable to digest that a woman could hold a position of power and authority.
We are not yet accustomed to seeing women in that light. In regular households or social institutions, a man however incompetent would be considered superior to an accomplished woman just by the virtue of his birth in that gender.
The existence of women’s day has grown much popularity with the advent of social media where messages flood mostly by stating women’s roles in relationships with others, even in celebrating women’s day relationships are considered their greatest achievement, not to mention the offers and discounts, free gifts, etc. offered by the e-commerce websites which contravenes the entire idea because again women are deemed to be content with these trivial things. But were these the true motto of the day? Everyday discrimination along with Psychological or physical abuse entraps women in a shell impeding them to realize their true potential.
Even while growing up, if we deviate from traditional gender stereotypes, we are constantly being taunted on how nobody would marry us, as marrying is a woman’s only goal, not vice-versa. The woman, who is born in a household where procuring the daily meal seems like an uphill task, could not care less about “women’s day”. But, internalized patriarchy and misogyny impact everyone.
Even with seemingly progressive people, it is seen that their vision somehow blurs when it comes to a woman. That is why we are still battling for gender parity in the twenty-first century, even though we ought to be talking about other issues. Every issue is a women’s issue.
Chandraprabha Saikiani was the torchbearer of feminism in Assam at a time when it was rebellious to do so. She was a crusader for women’s rights and established “Assam Pradeshik Mahila Samiti” in 1926. She advocated for women’s equality in employment and education while also fighting against the stigmatization she endured as a result of her turbulent personal life.
Being a staunch opponent of child marriage and the patriarchal societal system was indeed a bold move at a time when women were not even considered human beings. Even today, Chandraprabha Saikini’s dream of a gender-equal society is far-fetched.
This year, the International Women’s Day’s theme is DigitALL: Innovation and technology for gender equality. The theme is pertinent in this fast-paced world, however, not all societies are progressing at the same pace and are still struggling to get rid of archaic customs and traditions.
In Assam, the rate of child marriage cases is increasing from 30.8 % to 31.8 % according to NFHS data for 2019-2020 and it is one of the worst-performing states in terms of maternal mortality. Women’s health is never taken into consideration while she is being married off early and being exploited. Women’s rights are never seen as human rights, only contradiction is that there are festivals and goddesses where women are being worshipped.
The same people who would offer flowers and bow their heads down in front of the idols of goddesses will return home to abuse their wives or women in the household at the slightest inconvenience. Surprisingly, India has the lowest divorce rate of any nation, at 1.1%, yet the NFHS data shows that 30% of Indian women experience domestic abuse.
According to the NCRB data, 45,026 women died by suicide in the year 2021, and among them 23,178 were housewives. The NCRB report also revealed that Cruelty by Husband or His Family (31.8%) made up the majority of the crimes against women registered under the IPC in India.
In Indian households, marriage is not perceived as an equal partnership between two consenting adults based on the foundations of mutual love and respect but rather as one partner being superior to the other, putting up and tolerating all the abusive behaviour under the illusion of settling for peace, causing women to live in a constant state of physical and mental anguish and some even fail to survive their flawed marriage.
There is a fine line that differentiates a “goddess” or a “witch” or a good and bad woman. The yardstick of a good woman is one who confirms patriarchal standards by marrying at the right age, and raising children even if she is educated the expectation that she would either leave her job and bury her talent to look after the family or if she continues to work and then take the double burden of workload and household chores without raising any question.
Over the years, they realized that the women who were termed bad in our society as we grow up were never really bad; they just chose their education, their career, their rights, and happiness just like a man does. But, by bad we are not championing women patriarchs, hypocrites, or criminals.
In order to break stereotypes, it is important that women who are educated and have the access to resources use this as a tool to stand up and break these stereotypes one by one. Meek acceptance of regressive gender norms by independent women would further enslave women. The onus is on these women and also progressive men to realize that no woman can be free if other women are entrapped and to have a healthy society, we need all women to participate in nation-building.
As much as we want young girls to take inspiration from women leaders, they see on TV screens or the internet, they also need inspiration at their homes and from their next-door neighbors where they see women taking up space, speaking up their minds, and being treated with dignity and respect. Patriarchy is all pervasive and in households, women themselves are seen to be the protectors of patriarchy. In such circumstances, men must understand the unfair privileges they have over women and unlearn their ingrained patriarchal behaviors.
Sangeeta Das is a research scholar at Bodoland University. She can be reached at: [email protected]